The Last Night

Hi, it's Aaron here.

Just thought I should give you an update on how I'm feeling since this whole thing starts tomorrow. It feels so surreal since this is something that we've waited for over a year and a half. Now it's finally here and I have a mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I'm glad that this will finally be over. On the other hand, everything has been stable up until now and we're about to deliberately destroy that stability. There have been a lot of things that led up to this, a lot of things I've had to go through in preparation for this, and I feel ready for it. But just saying that to myself isn't really helping me to calm down about it right now.

So if you could pray that I would have peace about this, that would be nice. I've had a mental countdown to this day ever since we found out about it - even before the date was set, I had a vague idea of when it would happen and I've been counting down. Ever since I got out of the hospital, it felt like this was the big finale that everything was building up towards. It feels like a dream - the entire event feels so out of place and out of the blue. I honestly can't say where my life would have gone if this all hadn't happened, but I know that I wouldn't be as strong in my faith as I am now, and I know that I wouldn't have as strong will power as I have now. Everything that has happened to me has led up to this. I feel prepared but who can tell what any of us have in store?

The worst part is leaving behind all the friendships and relationships that I've built up, the state of normalcy that I've built for the past year. All that is about to be shattered and it's not clear when that will go back to normal, definitely not for the foreseeable future. However, the darkness always comes before the dawn. And so too will it here. If this transplant goes as planned, then it should be, in essence, a cure. And this whole mess will be done. If I keep that in mind as I go through this, that will give me the strength and bravery I need to finish this once and for all.

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